"4) Let's assume the unproved claim that DA/DV is commited predominantly by men against women: what if the woman attack the man and he retaliates? What if she does something indefensible, such as cheating on him or aborting his baby without his approval? (By the way, I absolutely abhore men who cheat on their gf's/wives). Should his instictive reaction to strike her really result in punishment: ie: is that fair?"

Presumably under this logic you would let off without any punishment a woman who stabbed her abusive husband to death in desperation, given that long term mental and physical abuse is surely, even in a world view as warped as yours, much more "indefensible" than cheating on somebody?